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(04/01/2010) Reportage and analysis by: Sasha Christina Angeleena Constantinople
This bulletin just in … There is a “round-the-clock” watch on Wonderbuzz Corporation to see what their newest pharmaceutical offering will do once it hits the market place. Acme Pharmaceuticals, the main competitor to Wonderbuzz, has stated that this is all "marketing weasel, boom-boom, tra-la-la hype" ((much like what Apple Computer does with “i-Ware” aimed it’s sycophantic disciples), but considering the phenomenal success and track record of Wonderbuzz, there is no doubt Wall Street is once again zeroing it sights in on one of the few corporations in America that is continually producing quarterly profit increases in the 60 to 200 percent range (and beyond)! There are very high expectations on all fronts for Wonderbuzz.
To really understand what is going on with Wonderbuzz Corporation as well as Acme Pharmaceuticals, we need to look at how we got to here from there (or there to here).
Wonderbuzz Corporation, located just to the north edge of Towne Square America™ has long battled with Acme Pharmaceuticals over market share. Acme happens to be located on the south side of Towne Square America™, not really that far from Wonderbuzz Corp; and certainly close enough to rummage through Wonderbuzz Corp's garbage dumpsters on a nightly basis. There is no denying, of course, that Wonderbuzz minions do the exact same thing with Acme's "overflow extra stuff" - Acme prides itself on being a green company so they certainly can't be producing any garbage. It should also be duly noted that each corporate giant puts much in the way of disinformation “in the trash” on a regular basis, because they both know they are closely watching each other watching each other watching each other.
Wonderbuzz Corp stumbled upon an incredible product that catapulted it (and its stockholders) into the stratosphere of success, achievement, and growth beyond what anyone ever could have imagined. Though this "breakthrough product" wasn't expected to do well, it became the best selling "pill" ever released anywhere in the known world.
"Happy Buto" was the street name for the Wonderbuzz Sensation. The clinical name for this medication was "Happinus Butokaness" which, of course, got shortened somewhat. And, the street name was much easier for people to remember, especially because it calmed children and made them extremely pleasant to be around. It was and is a name that just sticks in your brain so to speak so it is much easier to ask for from health care professionals.
What no one outside of a select few at Wonderbuzz knew was that this tiny green, candy-like looking pill was merely an 18th century concoction of over two dozen herbs, roots, fruit rinds, and animal waste byproducts, combined with "certain modern day nutraceuticals." The creation of this wonder drug was loosely based on what someone had found in the recipe “penciled in” a family bible bought at an auction in Kansas City. Wonderbuzz had excellent chemists who were then able to mask the true ingredients with "better living" chemicals (which no one had ever tested for side effects, by the way, but that part of this reportage will come into play in future segments).
So, no competitor, including Acme, could "reverse engineer" "Happy Buto" to duplicate it from the perspective of offering it on a generic basis. That, in effect, meant that Wonderbuzz could keep the price of "Happy Buto" artificially inflated. In fact, Wonderbuzz used the Global Oil "Screw-Em" Model (GOSEM) for what everyone else referred to as "price fixing," which, by the way, no law suit was ever able to prove (there were many who said the juries were "bought off" with unlimited prescriptions of "Happy Buto" and various and assorted amounts of “petty cash”). Wonderbuzz execs "worked" the GOSEM Model so much so that they even had "production run" problems resulting in worldwide shortages of "Happy Buto." Those episodes naturally (and quickly) caused prices to soar even more … you know, like what the Oil Companies keep doing to us with the "ebb and flow" of petroleum products.
What no one in either company knew was that the family bible Wonderbuzz got a hold of was sold at that auction without the permission of the dying elder of a church group desperate for money. The bible had sold for $20,000 because of a so-called historical Guttenberg-related connection that someone found out about on a cable network TV show at four o’clock in the morning on a Sunday. It was years later when the discovery was made about the recipe. Someone was going through the scraps of paper tucked into the back pages of the bible and found it. It turns out that bible with the recipe that ultimately became "Happy Buto" originally belonged to the great grandfather of the founder of Acme Pharmaceuticals. All of this would come out much later, but we're getting ahead of ourselves in this narrative!
Okay, so "Happy Buto" is the hottest selling pill for kids and there is no end in sight to the skyrocketing sales (and subsequent price gouging). But, come to find out, "Happy Buto" also produces amazing, calming, motivational, inspirational, and enthusiastic results in adults, too (only larger doses are needed, and that, of course, means even more sales). Because not much "adult testing" was done, no one really zeroed in on the fact that once you calm an adult with "Happy Buto," who now has a calm, happy child (or children), that adult then has incredible flashes of brilliance. It wouldn't come out until much further "down the road" (and extensive testing the resulted from court cases) that the "down side" in all of this excitement about "Happy Buto" for adults was that while this pill did "do things" for adults, in between the limited number of flashes of brilliance produced by "Happy Buto," there would be an incredible number of fits of stupidity which then led to incredible and phenomenal financial losses. But, again, this is getting ahead of ourselves in this account.
Wonderbuzz Corporation has given Towne Square America™ unprecedented access for this feature story, so we will be able to bring to you all of the "ins & outs" related to how the company is run, who the people are "behind the scenes" making everything happen or not happen (and that includes some of the key admin types who really keep the machine's wheels greased so to speak), and also where Wonderbuzz is headed. While we have repeatedly requested the same access from Acme Pharmaceuticals, they continue to ignore our phone calls, emails, and the people we send to their headquarters, who then spend an inordinate amount of time just "hanging around," waiting in the hopes of running into someone in authority. Sadly, the parking lots are all fenced in and well guarded so there aren't any opportunities for "ambushes" of company execs. We hope that, as this multi-part feature unfolds here at Towne Square America™ (and as we continue to bully them), Acme will see fit to talk to us. In the mean time, we will be including whatever information and data about Acme Pharmaceuticals we can “pin down” based on public information and whatever we can worm out of our "news sources." For now we are foregoing confirming any such information from multiple sources ... and, hopefully, that will induce (or seduce) Acme Pharmaceuticals to speak directly with us.
NOTE: Our next segment in this feature will look more closely at just how Wonderbuzz Corporation got to where it is. We will include details of how Acme Pharmaceuticals "played into the hands" of Wonderbuzz time and time again to make it even easier for Wonderbuzz to get such a secure stranglehold on the marketplace. We will also be interviewing Rejina Fokmocker - the Director of Marketing for Wonderbuzz, who, by the way, also takes "Happy Buto" on a several-times-a-day basis. Ms. Fokmocker will also be talking about her background and what she did prior to working for Wonderbuzz. She feels that her experience as a real estate agent, shoe salesperson/manager, Amway rep, and Vitamin Store Manager all proved quite helpful in allowing her to be so successful at what she is now doing.